...Even before the beginning

i thought it would be helpful for you to know a little about us.  First about S.  She is my wife, Mistress, best friend, lover, and someone who knows all there is to know about me.  She is intuitive to the extreme.  i would describe Her to some prospective bull as in Her early 40's, tall, blonde, blue eyes, very good looking, very nice body, loves sex, is very vocal, passionate, and loves to explore.  She shines as a parent and mother.  Including my own, i can imagine no better mother for our children, they are truly blessed to have Her for a mom - and they know it.  Unconditional love oozes from Her and i credit S's love and acceptance as one of the reasons we have such well adjusted loving mature children.  They are our teachers.  Any parenting skills i have that are worth anything either came from S or Mister Rogers.

(As an aside, If you don't know about Mister Rogers and you are a parent, run don't walk to the nearest site and purchase his videos for your young children - if not for them, then for you.  You will love his aura and abilities.  And, you will save money on your children's therapy bills later!)

Before 4 weeks ago, i would describe S as fairly submissive in our sexual interplay but there was a dominant streak that i could sense always wanted to be released.  Maybe sensed is too strong, perhaps suspected.  And, of course, i hoped!!  Now, She is the ideal lover - one who cares about your feelings yet assertive and makes sure Her needs are being met.  You will learn much more about the dominant S that has emerged in the last month.

There were times during our marriage i would bring toys to the bedroom, i would tie Her up.  About a year ago, i bought Her a dildo and we always called it Her lover or Her boyfriend.  We even gave Her dildo a name, Andre.

That part of our love making ebbed and flowed but never really took root.  i am sure i was hoping in some way Her dominance would erupt by the use of the dildo, but it never did.

Our sex life during the last 10 years i would say was fairly normal from what i hear, which is to say not enough for me and not enough for Her; not enough sex for me, and not enough orgasms for Her.

Along with all this you must understand, we have 4 kids.  We were very busy being parents and doing all the things parents do.  This was our excuse for not having sex - not enough time.  You know, if only we had more time...if only i didn't have to work so much...if only, if only.  Truth is, i had grown to feel inadequate and S had grown to believe this was just the way it was. 

In every other aspect of our married life, we were humming like a sewing machine.  We communicated at a level few couples dare tread.  We recognized our spiritual union with the infinite and with one another and searched for new ways to solidify that existential bond into our human reality.  We were very good about expressing our feelings, begging for forgiveness, and also being very forgiving.  We held hands whenever we went on walks or in the grocery store, we loved spending time with one another, and were pretty intimate with one another.  In short, we were best friends and intimates - but both knew if only subconsciously we were not best lovers. 

To our friends, we had the best of marriages.  i knew it could be better.  Because, i knew i could be better.  i knew what was missing was the sexual element.  i knew while S may have seem satisfied with our sex life, She should be experiencing so much more than i could give Her at that time.  i knew She deserved more.  And, i knew i didn't have the tools with which to fulfill Her sexually.  Sadly, i probably always felt this way during our marriage.  It was only recently, that i gained the courage to bring this to S and really hope She responded in a positive way.  i will get into this most recent episode in later posts, but for now would like to continue laying the foundation from where we were coming.

About me?  i am in my late 40's, dark blonde hair, blue eyes, good looking, fun, funny, caring, high sexual energy, very open to exploring as well, loves vanilla sex and is thrilled by kinky dirty sex.  i am an ex-collegiate athlete who tries to stay active and is generally in a struggle with my body, until lately.  i feel kind of strange describing myself to you so perhaps S can be a guest writer here in the future and She could describe me.

i am very glad this post is over.  Hopefully, you have some sense of us as people, as normal people, as people just like you perhaps in some ways.  One month ago, our marriage took a huge turn on the road less traveled.  It was a road that scared the shit out me because i knew once on it, i would have to and want to share all the remaining secrets in my life with S.  while i say it scared the shit out of me, and it did, i also knew we had 20 years of history together and that She was the most accepting person i have ever known.  i have shared so much with Her in the past over tears and laughter and i risked exposing my raw flesh to Her hoping She wouldn't drive a stake through my heart and figurative kill me.  In the early years of our courtship and marriage, we had risked and we spent may painful and joyous moments that put us on the track to this moment.  i suspected, i prayed, i hoped She would respond favorably.

In the Beginning...

This is my first post.  It is both exciting and scary to begin chronicling the life and times of S and me in our
female led or better named female-centric marriage (FCM).  Exciting because i have never loved or felt so loved and lovable in my entire life and we are more in love today than we were when we first began dating.  And, i just want to share this unbelievable gift with others in the hopes they may find some piece of heaven for themselves in this writing.  Scary because it will no doubt make public a lot of our private lives and i know i will feel pressure to adequately describe this journey as well as keep this blog updated regularly.

This blog's intent is to say to you the reader, whether you are male or female, husband or wife, that if S and i can happily enter this lifestyle, so can you.  If you met us, you would see a very happily married couple who communicates on a very high level and are willing to share their deepest most personal secrets with one another.  You would also see a family with children living in suburbia who could easily be your next door neighbor and you would NEVER guess we would contemplate, much less embrace this lifestyle.  We are exceedingly normal.

Why i am writing this blog is important to know.  When i began fantasizing about this lifestyle many years ago, i wish i could have had some resource to guide me in a wholesome and integrated approach.  That what i sought was good.  Instead, what was on the net was a barrage of the porn-laden sites dedicated to the male fetish-ization of some unrealistic pseudo-ideal meant more to make money than to promote a worthy lifestyle (for some).

This all certainly helped me get off.  And, it also made me feel the whole exploration was at least a little "dirty" if not outright injurious to our marriage.  i didn't like that feeling at all and i wanted it to change.  Herein you will learn about the resources we used to get where we are today.  So, here is our story, from my viewpoint, from the beginning...

We embarked on our roller coaster ride into FCM on August 23, 2013.  It was then that i proposed to S (again!).  In the prelude of my proposal, i expressed how thankful i was that She continually recognized all my efforts in being a good husband and father.  And, that while our first 20 years of marriage (more on this in later posts!) were absolutely incredible, and i am exceedingly blessed having S for my Wife, i told Her that i knew i could be better.  And, that i need her help to assist me in getting there and that i couldn't do it without her. 

It was then that i presented Her a gift box and inside the box was a beautifully crafted necklace that was intended for a very valuable stone pendent.  In place of the pendent i had placed a key.  the key was to a chastity device i had purchased and unbeknownst to Her was wearing to dinner.  i told Her the key was central to my proposal for the next 20 years. 

For the first 20 years, i told Her, She gave so selflessly for everyone in our family.  And, in all of those years, i knew She did things for me without caring about her own needs.  i told her the next 20 years would be different.  i proposed that the next 20 years belonged to Her.  i begged Her to help me become the best husband, father, friend, and lover over the next 20 years.  And, that i wanted Her to be central in all my thoughts.

my gift to S on our 20th Anniv.

i know S did not fully understand the significance of the key yet.  i trudged forward and showed Her the diamond pendent behind the necklace and key.  She knew what that was!  She began to cry happy tears.  i then moved beside her and told her the key was to be used with this and placed her hand on my crotch so that She could feel the chastity device that was guarding my penis.  Still not knowing exactly what it was (you have to understand S is probably the most innocent wife of 20 years that you have ever come across, and i mean that in the most loving and laudable way), She knew it was something sexual and that definitely peeked Her interest.

i asked Her if She accepted my proposal and She did (although the full implications and details were later to be explored).  She accepted!!

From that night forward, She began Her inquiry into the whole life of a female centric marriage and her role in it.  From knowing nothing about chastity, chastity devices, and all that comes with it, She has accepted this role with the utmost enthusiasm and curious zeal.  The coming weeks would take us from chastity to a female led or female-centric marriage which would include a cuckold lifestyle.

There is so much write to about and so much to catch you the reader up on what has happened in the last 4 weeks.  Stay tuned...i can't wait to share with you how we got from there on August 23^rd to last night where She would not allow me to orgasm but had multiple orgasms Herself.  S is keen on making up for the imbalance in orgasms from the last 20 years! 

By the way, i have not been allowed to orgasm for the last 15 days!  See, i told you She was enthusiastic.