To Grow or Not to Grow...that is the Question

This week, her boyfriend Ry said he wanted to see her on Saturday (tomorrow) - alone.  If you have read this blog, you know i have had some very difficult times around these types of scenes.  In the past, when i felt worst, i know i was focusing on myself, my feelings, my needs and wants.  i know i feel best when i am focusing on Syd's needs, wants, and feelings.  What all seems like a haze of fear and trembling becomes clearly an erotic endeavor that is fun and thrilling, and yes okay, complimented by a little angst.

And, i realize more and more that is normal.  And, the more Syd reassures me, the more i feel good about her going to see him tomorrow and spending the day with him without me.  i feel like i am becoming more able to bask in her love than baste in my fears.  After all, i know she loves me, would never to anything to harm me, and will always take care of me.

So, i sit here plugged and caged reminded of my submissiveness with every movement.  By tomorrow night after i take her to her boyfriend and lover, and then after she calls me to pick her up, i fervently hope i can be thankful for this gift she has given me (and he has given me), an opportunity for me to grow.