Bull T - 2nd Meeting with a Twist

S let me know that we would be meeting with Bull T at a coffee shop.  Although i did like this guy when i found him online, for some reason i was not looking forward to this meeting.  i knew this meeting was rather perfunctory.  You see, the night before S whispered in my ear in bed that if the meeting goes well with Bull T, She would like to go straight to a hotel room with him - for their first "Date." 

i was both hard and had a pit in my stomach at the same time.  This was very unlike S.  We had set up these meetings in a methodical manner for a purpose.  They each gave us time to discern and to check our feelings without making an emotional response.

During the past week, She and Bull T had been texting one another a lot.  The texts were both romantic, sexual, and steamy.  She was captivated by this young stud and he was fully engaged in trying to woo my wife.  Here is one text from S, "I can't wait to look into your beautiful blue eyes as you penetrate me."

As S shows me all of Her texts, when i read that it was probably the first time i witnessed S actively pursuing a guy to fuck Her.  The texts surrounding that text all would make you hard or wet in an instant.  They read like some of the best erotica you have ever seen.  And, they hadn't even met yet.

i knew from the intensity of their text, S seemed drawn to Bull T if not a little smitten, which is to say, maybe falling for him.

So, with this backdrop, i was not particularly interested in meeting Bull T, because i knew i would like him and i knew i would be left to watch them drive off to a hotel.

...and i was at the end of mine!

Our drive to the coffee shop was not pleasant.  i pouted and felt terrible inside.  After reading a day's worth of text S showed me between her and Bull T, i felt disconnected from S and even felt like i was number 2 in Her life, maybe for the first time.  i didn't like that feeling.

You have to realize, S and i bring 20 years of a very healthy marriage to this and we can sense what one another is feeling almost instantly.  And, She knew i wasn't happy.  She began to cry and say that if this was whole episode was indicative of the cuckolding lifestyle, then She didn't want it.  The last thing She wanted, or would ever want, to do was hurt my feelings.

i quickly realized i had overstepped my bounds and was probably manipulating S to feel badly when in fact it was me feeling badly about feeling disconnected.  We pulled over and called Bull T and told him we would be a bit late.  We knew we had to talk about this and resolve it before doing anything further.

i realized in talking with S that it wasn't meeting him or even the prospect of them going on the "first date" that bothered me.  It was reading all the texts from the previous day just before going to the 2nd meeting without any kind of reassurances from S.  i felt in reading all of the texts, that S was in fact being truthful when She texted things like, "You were all i thought about last night when i was out with christian."  S explained to me that those types of texts were just Her way of pursuing Bull T, building his ego about their meeting, and shouldn't be viewed as any threat to me or our relationship.

Being caught up in the moment, i forgot that before me was my wife of 20 years, my best friend and my best lover.  ii was focusing on the minor instead of appreciating the major thing that was happening here.  my Wife was acting out Her wishes and demonstrating Her dominance over me, and here i was pouting like kid when what was happening was all i ever fantasized about for years.

We regrouped and i apologized, for good reason, as is often the case.  We realized that S would not show me a slew of texts without being there with me and perhaps whispering in my ear how much i meant to Her and thereby i would not have to feel disconnected, which is an awful feeling.

But, not communicating this well was my fault and led to S feeling badly about Herself and questioning the entire cuckoldry lifestyle.  i apologized as i said before, mainly for making Her feel badly.  i still can almost cry to think that i made Her feel that way.  This is something that was one the main reasons why i wanted these 20 years to be different.  She deserved to feel not only good, but terrific and ecstatic about Herself.  She is such a beautiful human being, inside and out, that She should only feel the feelings God intended for Her, and that was to feel the power of the Universe within Her, to feel at once peaceful and electrified, to feel earthy and sexual, to pursue and be pursued; all were good.  It is my job to help Her feel that connection to the divine and certainly not put hurdles in Her way.  If i could describe sin for me in this regard, it would be to look at my feelings in a selfish way and make her feel badly.  God, i am sorry i did that and really want to work at not repeating this mistake again.

You may be sitting there thinking, geez, i thought this was about a submissive husband and a dominant wife in a cuckold marriage.  It is.  But for S and i, this is more a spiritual journey than a sexual one, but the two will be interconnected insofar as we are spiritual beings having a physical experiences.  Our aim is to have those experiences bring us closer together,

So, back to the more salacious parts of this post, which is growing longer by the second.  Sorry readers, i always intend to write short pithy ones but also want to avail you of what is truly going on in my mind which hopefully helps you in your trek.

We then went to meet Bull T together.  It was evident that S had been crying.  i said to Bull T, look we had some things to discuss, and while S may be emotional, and She is, that only means She is very passionate and this translates well to the bedroom.  i think everyone was put at ease, especially S and that was my goal.  We talked about his family and upbringing, we talked about us, we talked about what most people talk about when they want to get to know the other person.  It wasn't a sexual discussion even though we discussed the sexual aspects.  my goal was to make sure i found out as much as i could about Bull T and have a sense of what makes him tick and how stable he was as a person.  I found no red flags and signaled to S that i was very good with him.  i knew what that meant. 

And, soon i was in the parking lot watching them walk together away from me.  i was happy for S, really happy.  Yes, i felt a little pit in my stomach, but i looked upon this pit as a friend now, a product of cuckold angst that will most likely live with me at times throughout the next years of my life.  i took heart as i watched them get into the car.  Bull T made a tactical error, he failed to open the door for S.  i smiled to myself as this little thing meant to me that i knew i could still offer S things no one else could, no matter how good looking they were or how big their dick was. 

Who is #1?
It is easy to remember at times,
and so elusive at others.

i know S better than anyone on the planet.  No one is better equipped to please Her, take care of Her, have Her feel good feelings, have Her orgasm, have Her connect with the Divine through our marriage than me.  yes, me, Her slaveboy, the one with a 4.75" dick.  i know i am number One with S, i am the object of Her truest desires, i am the one She will protect, love, and honor.  Knowing this, really knowing this, no matter what comes or no matter who comes along, gives me the security to serve Her as unconditionally as i can.  This makes all the difference.  i am so lucky and blessed to be married to S, to be her submissive, even slave, to have Her as my Dominant.

So, in the end, a very emotional day went forward with me doing chores at home while my Wife fucked the brains out of a 24 year old.  Oddly, a few hours ago while i sat next to Her, i felt disconnected.  Now, while She was fucking him, i felt very connected.  We are in uncharted territory in our marriage and it is so fucking thrilling!