Bull T - 1st Date

Today, S informed me She was going on a date with a Bull T.  This is the same guy She went to bed with after we met him for coffee. 

You see, typically, S likes to meet a bull on the first date alone.  That is generally over coffee or drinks to see if She likes him and if they are compatible.  If he passes that test, then She has the bull meet with both of us must in the same public-style venue (e.g., coffee shop).   This is to see if we are all compatible together and for S to see the interaction between me and the bull.  Then, if he passes that test, She schedules the first "date."  This first date is generally with S and the bull alone so that they are comfortable together without any interference from me.  Not that i would interfere, but just my presence adds an element S does not want on that first date.

As you know from my previous post, S went straight on a date with Bull T from our 2^nd meeting.  i thought that since that meeting happened, we would be going on the first date together - all 3 of us.  i was wrong.  S informed me that She prefers to meet with Bull T another time alone.

To complicate matters, S and i had a pretty serious discussion in the morning about cuckoldry and its impact on our relationship.  i will tell you about this conversation in a later post.  But, it ended with us feeling very good about everything.  In fact, S was very clear to ask me if i was okay with everything.  i said, "Yes."

On our drive home (we chose to have our conversation at a park), i was thinking to myself how much i wanted to be with S, how much i needed to be with S.  i was thinking i definitely needed some bonding time after our long discussion.

So, when we got home, we walked into the house and S came up to me and said, "Bull T had asked Me earlier in the week to get together today and i had put him off, but since everything is good now I want to go be with him."

It felt like someone just punched me in the stomach.  So, here i was wanting to bond with S so very much, in fact needing it, and stupid me i didn't bother to communicate that need to the person that matters most - S!

Now, i was in a jam.  Do i tell her now how much i wanted to bond and risk Her feeling badly for upsetting me?  Or, do i not say anything and wait until after Her date with Bull T and get some bonding time then.

Know, that before 2 months ago, i definitely would have told Her right then and there.  But now my lens was a lot different.  i was now thinking about how best to make S happy.  i knew that if S knew i needed bonding time, She would have been with me with no questions, happily.  In fact, if i told Her now how much i felt i needed bonding time, i know She would do it.

Feeding into my emotions, although i am not proud of them, was anger.  my thoughts went something like, "How could She not know i needed some bonding time after such an intense discussion???  i mean, we have been married 20 years, She definitely knows me better than that!  And, then She tells me She wants to go with Bull T???"

Although i wasn't happy, and i know S could sense it because She does knows me that well that i cannot hide my feelings from Her, i told S that i was good with Her meeting Bull T, not that she needed or was looking for my permission.  Inside, i knew i had some work to do to make my words coincide with my feelings.

She even gave me some tasks to do while She was with him!

Well, good thing i had some time to get my head straight.  i used it to calm down and really think about the situation.  Although i was pissed, i knew it was all of my own making.  i failed to communicate my needs to S and without that knowledge She did what She wanted to do - meet with Bull T.

cuckold angst - Syd style

i knew i had this time to get my mind around being happy for Her.  And you know what, i was able to get there.  Mainly, because i knew S loved me and would never do anything to hurt me emotionally.  So, i felt free to be happy for Her because this is what i want for Her, truly.  i want Her to feel freedom, to feel sexually fulfilled.

Once She texted me that She was finished, i drove to get Her hoping She would want to bond in the afterglow of Her date.  She did and we laid in the hotel bed where Bull T just fucked Her.  He left this condom on the bedside table and i could see that it was filled with his cum.  That was a huge turn on.

S had to go into the bathroom and i even picked up the condom to inspect it.  i guess i wanted to see how much there was, how much of a bull was this guy.  Even as i write this, i feel sheepish about admitting that, but i can't help it, i wanted to feel that condom, feel what had been inside Her, pleasing Her, and what was now filled with the result of his passion.  Maybe i divulge too much here!! :)

Anyway, S came back to the bed and we laid there cuddling and holding one another.  She was very good about telling me every detail of Her exploits with Bull T and "her toy" was hard throughout.  This led to one of the best sex sessions we have ever had.  In almost no time, i had S squirting all over the bed soaking it with Her juices.  i wanted so badly for Her to squirt on me.

She loves me!

Afterward, all my emotions during the day seemed almost unnecessary.  i was laying in the arms of the love of my life, my Mistress and Wife.  Nothing in the world seemed to matter to me except that i was home - emotionally, home in Her arms.

i would tell Her about my earlier feelings and She would totally understand.  Of course!  She expressed Her love for me and how She would always protect me, always love me, always take care of me.  As Her submissive, as Her slave, this made all the stars align!!

Bull T - 2nd Meeting with a Twist

S let me know that we would be meeting with Bull T at a coffee shop.  Although i did like this guy when i found him online, for some reason i was not looking forward to this meeting.  i knew this meeting was rather perfunctory.  You see, the night before S whispered in my ear in bed that if the meeting goes well with Bull T, She would like to go straight to a hotel room with him - for their first "Date." 

i was both hard and had a pit in my stomach at the same time.  This was very unlike S.  We had set up these meetings in a methodical manner for a purpose.  They each gave us time to discern and to check our feelings without making an emotional response.

During the past week, She and Bull T had been texting one another a lot.  The texts were both romantic, sexual, and steamy.  She was captivated by this young stud and he was fully engaged in trying to woo my wife.  Here is one text from S, "I can't wait to look into your beautiful blue eyes as you penetrate me."

As S shows me all of Her texts, when i read that it was probably the first time i witnessed S actively pursuing a guy to fuck Her.  The texts surrounding that text all would make you hard or wet in an instant.  They read like some of the best erotica you have ever seen.  And, they hadn't even met yet.

i knew from the intensity of their text, S seemed drawn to Bull T if not a little smitten, which is to say, maybe falling for him.

So, with this backdrop, i was not particularly interested in meeting Bull T, because i knew i would like him and i knew i would be left to watch them drive off to a hotel.

...and i was at the end of mine!

Our drive to the coffee shop was not pleasant.  i pouted and felt terrible inside.  After reading a day's worth of text S showed me between her and Bull T, i felt disconnected from S and even felt like i was number 2 in Her life, maybe for the first time.  i didn't like that feeling.

You have to realize, S and i bring 20 years of a very healthy marriage to this and we can sense what one another is feeling almost instantly.  And, She knew i wasn't happy.  She began to cry and say that if this was whole episode was indicative of the cuckolding lifestyle, then She didn't want it.  The last thing She wanted, or would ever want, to do was hurt my feelings.

i quickly realized i had overstepped my bounds and was probably manipulating S to feel badly when in fact it was me feeling badly about feeling disconnected.  We pulled over and called Bull T and told him we would be a bit late.  We knew we had to talk about this and resolve it before doing anything further.

i realized in talking with S that it wasn't meeting him or even the prospect of them going on the "first date" that bothered me.  It was reading all the texts from the previous day just before going to the 2nd meeting without any kind of reassurances from S.  i felt in reading all of the texts, that S was in fact being truthful when She texted things like, "You were all i thought about last night when i was out with christian."  S explained to me that those types of texts were just Her way of pursuing Bull T, building his ego about their meeting, and shouldn't be viewed as any threat to me or our relationship.

Being caught up in the moment, i forgot that before me was my wife of 20 years, my best friend and my best lover.  ii was focusing on the minor instead of appreciating the major thing that was happening here.  my Wife was acting out Her wishes and demonstrating Her dominance over me, and here i was pouting like kid when what was happening was all i ever fantasized about for years.

We regrouped and i apologized, for good reason, as is often the case.  We realized that S would not show me a slew of texts without being there with me and perhaps whispering in my ear how much i meant to Her and thereby i would not have to feel disconnected, which is an awful feeling.

But, not communicating this well was my fault and led to S feeling badly about Herself and questioning the entire cuckoldry lifestyle.  i apologized as i said before, mainly for making Her feel badly.  i still can almost cry to think that i made Her feel that way.  This is something that was one the main reasons why i wanted these 20 years to be different.  She deserved to feel not only good, but terrific and ecstatic about Herself.  She is such a beautiful human being, inside and out, that She should only feel the feelings God intended for Her, and that was to feel the power of the Universe within Her, to feel at once peaceful and electrified, to feel earthy and sexual, to pursue and be pursued; all were good.  It is my job to help Her feel that connection to the divine and certainly not put hurdles in Her way.  If i could describe sin for me in this regard, it would be to look at my feelings in a selfish way and make her feel badly.  God, i am sorry i did that and really want to work at not repeating this mistake again.

You may be sitting there thinking, geez, i thought this was about a submissive husband and a dominant wife in a cuckold marriage.  It is.  But for S and i, this is more a spiritual journey than a sexual one, but the two will be interconnected insofar as we are spiritual beings having a physical experiences.  Our aim is to have those experiences bring us closer together,

So, back to the more salacious parts of this post, which is growing longer by the second.  Sorry readers, i always intend to write short pithy ones but also want to avail you of what is truly going on in my mind which hopefully helps you in your trek.

We then went to meet Bull T together.  It was evident that S had been crying.  i said to Bull T, look we had some things to discuss, and while S may be emotional, and She is, that only means She is very passionate and this translates well to the bedroom.  i think everyone was put at ease, especially S and that was my goal.  We talked about his family and upbringing, we talked about us, we talked about what most people talk about when they want to get to know the other person.  It wasn't a sexual discussion even though we discussed the sexual aspects.  my goal was to make sure i found out as much as i could about Bull T and have a sense of what makes him tick and how stable he was as a person.  I found no red flags and signaled to S that i was very good with him.  i knew what that meant. 

And, soon i was in the parking lot watching them walk together away from me.  i was happy for S, really happy.  Yes, i felt a little pit in my stomach, but i looked upon this pit as a friend now, a product of cuckold angst that will most likely live with me at times throughout the next years of my life.  i took heart as i watched them get into the car.  Bull T made a tactical error, he failed to open the door for S.  i smiled to myself as this little thing meant to me that i knew i could still offer S things no one else could, no matter how good looking they were or how big their dick was. 

Who is #1?
It is easy to remember at times,
and so elusive at others.

i know S better than anyone on the planet.  No one is better equipped to please Her, take care of Her, have Her feel good feelings, have Her orgasm, have Her connect with the Divine through our marriage than me.  yes, me, Her slaveboy, the one with a 4.75" dick.  i know i am number One with S, i am the object of Her truest desires, i am the one She will protect, love, and honor.  Knowing this, really knowing this, no matter what comes or no matter who comes along, gives me the security to serve Her as unconditionally as i can.  This makes all the difference.  i am so lucky and blessed to be married to S, to be her submissive, even slave, to have Her as my Dominant.

So, in the end, a very emotional day went forward with me doing chores at home while my Wife fucked the brains out of a 24 year old.  Oddly, a few hours ago while i sat next to Her, i felt disconnected.  Now, while She was fucking him, i felt very connected.  We are in uncharted territory in our marriage and it is so fucking thrilling!

Tease and Denial - 2 new friends

For the last three days, i have been locked in my chastity device.  Not by choice, but at S's direction.  She wanted me to experience the Queen's Keep on Her toy for seven days - in chastity and without any orgasms.
 

The QK has been very comfortable at times, like i almost don't even know it is on me.  At other times, it is very uncomfortable; particularly when i get hard, or in this case, try to get hard - as the QK really doesn't allow for an erection.

i even contact the makers of the QK and asked them if the fitting was right, i thought it might be too tight.  They asked me to see how many fingers i could put under the base ring without the "hood" on.  To do this, i would need S's permission.  She granted it but said She was to be present.  So, after everyone was away in bed tucked in for the night, i asked S if it was okay for me to unlock myself to give the finger test.  She said yes and she would do the unlocking. 

She unscrewing the locking pin and then ever so slowly removed the hood from the head of my penis.  I was standing and She was sitting on the edge of the bed.  She leaned forward and kissed my penis, Her Toy.  She did it not in a sexual way but in a very loving way, almost the way you would kiss a treasure.  It felt so good. 

She began to touch it with Her fingers running Her index finger along the length of it and around the head.  She began asking me what felt good.  It all felt good but i let Her know what felt best.  Soon, i was so hard it looked like my skin would burst.  She began stroking it slowly then increasing the pace.  i knew i wasn't allowed to cum so i had to be very mindful not to lose sight of that. i was enjoying it very much, and wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and lose myself in the moment.  i asked if i could lay down on the bed and She said no, just stand there.  i then tried lifting my leg as it felt good to stretch and lift my knee onto the bed.  She told me to stand with both feet on the floor.  She was in control.  i realized then that this wasn't so much about my enjoyment as it was for Her enjoyment.  i realize that more now that i am writing this.

She teased me so exquisitely you would think She had done this before.  Just when i would think i was maybe getting to the runway of an orgasm, She would change locations on my penis or stop completely.  i knew i wasn't allowed to orgasm, but i at least wanted to get on the runway!!  For what seemed like 15-20 minutes, an eternity for a guy wanting to orgasm, She teased me never allowing me to get on the runway.  It was both so pleasure-ful and painful at the same time.  Of course, that was the goal right??!!  She then increased the pace and began stroking more rapidly all along asking me how good it felt.  i was putty in Her hands at that point and She knew it.  She brought me onto the runway and taxied me around and around the tarmac searching for a gate.  Needless, to say, i never arrived at the gate.  Once i announced i felt like i was going to cum, She continued, and i kind of freaked, i reiterated, i think i am going to cum!  For a second, i thought She was going to make me cum on purpose, perhaps a gift, perhaps a way to then punish me.  Either way, in my head i was all for it.  Then, She jammed on the brakes and left me with no touch and i knew i would not orgasm.  She said, "We are finished, now go get ready for bed."

Two months ago, this lovely sexy lady didn't know what "cuckold" meant.  Imagine that and you can see how fast and far we have traveled. 

i know any cuck wannabes out there must be marveling at this turn of events.  They must say to themselves how lucky i am to have a Wife like S.  They are right.  But, they also should know they too can have this.  They only need to risk and be centered on their wife's interests, not their own.

If you have any questions, i am glad to answer them.

Bull T - 1st Meeting

Pursuit and Capture - Who is capturing whom?

First, a little background on how S likes to go about finding and then meeting prospective bulls. 

You see, typically, S likes to meet a bull on the first meeting alone - i call this the preliminary meeting #1.  That is generally over coffee or drinks to see if She likes him and if they are compatible.  If he passes that test, then She has the bull meet with both of us must in the same public-style venue (e.g., coffee shop) - preliminary meeting #2.   This is to see if we are all compatible together and for S to see the interaction between me and the bull.  Then, if he passes that test, She schedules the first "date."  This first date is generally with S and the bull alone so that they are comfortable together without any interference from me.  Not that i would interfere, but just my presence adds an element S does not want on that first date.


Bull T was someone i found on Craigslist for S.  He is 24.  About 6'2" and looks to be about 170#.  He was a former college athlete and his physique showed it.  i mean, i am sure his body was tighter in college, but he definitely looked good to S.  He is very slim, almost rail-ish.  He is very handsome and has a cute face, almost boy-ish.  He had piercing blue eyes - as S describes them.  In his post, he said he was trying to find a girl who was open to sex of some of the more kinky variety.  We emailed back and forth a couple times and then i got him in touch with S.

S texted him and they set up their first "preliminary meeting."  They decided on a coffee shop to meet and S for the first time drove herself.  We both felt pretty comfortable with this guy.  He seemed very nice and sane and showed no red flags throughout our discussions.

I was at work during this meeting and it was driving me crazy not knowing what was happening.  This can only be described as cuckold angst.  i know it well.  i used to fantasize about it, but now it was for real and for keeps.  i still can't believe as i write this that i can be accurately described as a cuckold.  It gives me chills to think about it and all i have gone through to get to this point - pretty thrilling.

Anyway, S's meeting with Bull T went very well.  She gushed when She spoke about him.  Almost like a school girl talking to Her best friend, She told me every last detail about their meeting.  Needless to say, She felt a connection with him.  She loved staring into his eyes and couldn't get over the fact that a 24 year old would be interested in her.

If you saw S, you'd drool.  And this is yet another reason why i love her so much.  She doesn't quite realize what a catch She is.  Look, 2 months ago, She was headlong into a 20 year marriage with four kids and doing the "wife and mother" thing.  Now, She is the object of a number of guys' masturbation fantasies.  i explained to Her, that this 24 year old is so lucky to even be able to meet with Her much less have the potential to fuck.  Imagine being 24 and being able to fuck a lady as pretty and sexy as S with Her husband knowing full well what is going on.  i mean how heady that must be.  And, then to feel this connection and maybe even hope he could fuck Her long term - i assured S that he is the lucky one, make no mistake about it.

So, Bull T passed the first test, the preliminary meeting with S alone.  Now it is on to preliminary meeting #2 - with S and me together. 

Slaveboy's Queen's Keep

The day finally arrived.  After 6 weeks, the chastity device S chose and bought for me arrived.  It is the Queen's Keep from Mature Metal. 

S had looked at many reviews before deciding on the Queen's Keep.  She liked the way it looked.  Once She saw it, She almost instantly knew that was the one in which She wanted Her slaveboy locked. 

Previously, you may remember, i gave Her the CB-6000s for Her gift honoring our 20th anniversary.  In light of my post a couple days ago, people can guess what the "s" stands for in CB-6000s.  A fact that always made me instantly hard when i would look at the device, it is obviously designed for those of us of the shorter variety.  It always felt very compact to me, very secure.  Our experience with the CB-6000s was mixed.  Since it was our first device, we really knew nothing else.  i happen to like how it looked.  S always thought it looked cumbersome, if not un-natural. 

With the Queen's Keep, S is thrilled.  She loves the look of it, especially commenting on how natural it looks on me, how "organic" to use Her term.  Whenever She looks at me in it, She smiles and i like that.

As i write this, i am on a flight.  There was a lot of discussion about whether i should go through security with it on.  When the QK arrived, S put me in it and i was not to be released for seven days.  i am in the middle of that time period so i knew from the beginning that this trip would be made with the QK on. 

Your curious aren't you - you know - about if S decided to make me wear it.  The answer is yes.

Now, you must wonder, how did it go at the airport security checkpoint?  Well, i walked through the line and thankfully there were not a lot of people.  i went through the scanner and of course the scanner buzzed.  The agent asked me if i had anything metal in my pockets.  i looked him straight in the eye and told him, "Ah, it's genital jewelry." He looked at me quizzically and without saying anything i knew he needed clarification.  And i repeated, "You know, it's genital jewelry."  He calmly said, "Oh, well that normally doesn't set it off."  i kind of shrugged my shoulders and he asked, "Are you ok with me patting you down?"  i told him, "Sure," and we proceeded to the "patting down area."  Which in this airport is right out in the middle of everything and everybody.  My anus puckered when he asked, "Is it okay if I pat you down here?"  Figuring he must have done this at least a few times and probably knows what he is in for, i trusted the situation and went with his direction to be patted there.

He put rubber gloves on (steady you doms, i know how much you love those things) and approached me.  And, he began a head to toe pat down.  i was a little surprised when he grabbed my crotch and said, "Nice dick!"

Okay, that last part isn't true.  He was very professional and i gave him no reason to be suspicious in the least.  It all seemed pretty routine.  He patted me down, and barely even felt the QK, just really brushing over it.  And, that was it.  He said, "Okay, everything is good, have a nice flight."  With that, i was on my way.

So, for you subs out there wondering how the experience is at airport security with a metal chastity device, don't sweat it.  Be calm and tell the agent it is genital jewelry or even tell them it is a chastity device.  It will be fine.

Mistresses and Doms, i suggest don't let your subs off too easy by letting them go without being locked.  They will be fine going through security.  And plus, the added prospect of humiliation will be a turn on to them, trust me from experience.

"What if size does matter?"

Today, S and i were discussing yesterday's post, "Does size matter?"  i asked Her what She thought about it.  She said She liked the post and thought people would like reading it.  i pressed and asked Her what She thought about the content.  She looked at me tilted Her head and quietly asked, "What if size does matter?"

The initial feeling was a flood of "holy shit" cold pricklies running through my body.  i was thinking to myself, "What had i gotten myself into?"

The biggest dick i know

i looked Her in the eyes and told Her that this is why we are doing this in the first place - for Her pleasure.  And, if She finds out along the way that a big dick feels good or better for Her, then She will be free to experience that as She wishes.

i was saying all the right things, things i truly believe, but inside, by gut was all in a flutter.  Things start popping through my head, What if She truly loves bigger dicks and wants those dicks exclusively, (i.e., without letting me be inside Her)?  What if She grows not to like "Her toy" and thinks it is puny.  What if a hung bull exploits this and truly takes over entirely sexually?  What if...What if...What if...

And, so you get some understanding into the tortuous place of my world.  i tend to overthink things and i do believe i was thinking all those things and S was thinking about how beautiful it was outside.  i mentioned how i might need some reassurances after a post like that and She said, "You know, that's just how unimportant that all is to Me, so much so that I don't even think to reassure you because I don't think there is something to reassure.  I love you and I love My toy and nothing will ever replace either of of those.

i have to say i felt much better after hearing Her soothing words.  And feeling that security put me back squarely in the wanting to please Her mode and only wanting what is best for Her, even if it is a big dick.  That will last for a date.  i have Her for a lifetime and that makes me so very happy.

Does size matter?

A couple nights ago a bull prospect S was chatting with asked Her how big Her husband was.  Knowing Her, i know She probably thought he was asking how tall.  When She innocently asked what he meant, he explained, She blushed, and replied, "I really don't know.  I have never measured it."  What the bull didn't know was She never cared to measure it either.

The bull said to Her, "Ask your husband, he'll know, believe me he has measured it."
And he was right.  i am sure i have measured myself a zillion times over the years.  Alas, this is something that has occupied my psyche since adolescence.  Playing sports all my life, i knew just how i stacked up.  Without reading any studies, from personal experience i'd have to say i was solidly in the bottom third tier.  i never felt comfortable walking through a locker room un-toweled.

Lately, all of my inadequate feelings have largely dissipated since i have felt the most competent as a lover as i have ever felt.  Clearly, in the last two months, S has had more orgasms than perhaps in the last 10 years.  Okay, that is a sad statement, but true.  And, i won't beat myself up over it because if i knew better, i would have done better.  Now, i know better and am doing better.  And, i intend to get better and better.

Which brings us to last night.  i pulled out the measuring tape and S was standing right there.  She was definitely interested.  i made myself as hard as i could.  Looking down at the tape, it read 5".  But S then said, "Honey, measure it correctly, you do not have the tape at the end of your penis."  So, sheepishly, i put the tape where it should be at the base of my cock, yes the top side, and it read 4.75".  S declared, "I see it as four and three-quarters inches, is that what you see?"  A dejected "yes" was all i could muster.

i couldn't help but think about this as i fell asleep.  And, when i woke and saw the measuring tape on my counter, i was reminded again of this stark experience.  i suspect it is all more important to me than S.  i believe Her when She says She loves my dick, and more importantly now, Her toy.

So, i guess we will see if indeed size matters.  And, most importantly to me, does it matter to S.

From the beginning...to now!

This is a post which illustrates how far we have come as a couple in this lifestyle.  i was away for the last 2 days and only had phone contact with S.  The night of my arrival home, we cuddled in bed.  i knew from what She told me earlier that upon my arrival, i was to meet Her in our bedroom and service Her.  Which is to say i was to give Her multiple orgasms.  In the back of my mind, i was just coming off 21 days of no orgasms (more about that later!) and i honestly felt that after only cumming once 3 days ago, i might have a pretty good chance of being allowed to orgasm myself.  You see, She now controls all of my orgasms.  And while i was away, i was obedient and did not have an orgasm. 

i brought Her to multiple orgasms.  According to S, i performed exquisitely, making Her very pleased.  After Her last orgasm, She said to me, "You have pleased me slaveboy.  You are a good slaveboy and I love having you for a slaveboy.  Now, we are done and i want to go to sleep.  Do not touch My body or have My toy touch Me while I sleep.

And then She added, "The next time you are away from Me for more than a day, I expect you to coordinate a date for Me with a lover.  I deserve that.  This was too long to go without having an orgasm.  Do you understand?"  i replied, "Yes, my Lady, as You wish."

She then rolled over and was clearly keeping Her word that She was going to sleep.  And, seemingly, was asleep in no time.  No movement, no toe touching, no cuddling, no hand holding, no hugging, nothing - She just rolled over and went to sleep.

i laid there in utter awe.  my body was flowing with intense emotions and blood.  There was no way i could sleep.  my body wouldn't let me and my mind wouldn't hear of it.  Many times you read about a cuck saying to himself, "What have I gotten myself into??!!"  While i was saying that to myself, i also knew i was as turned on and hard and erotically charged as i have ever been.  i have fantasized for years about being a cuckold.  i am now a cuckold.  i have fantasized about how my Wife would cuckold me.  She has and as my Cuckoldress is blowing away any fantasy i have ever had.  i laid there knowing that things have changed dramatically in our marriage over the last month.  S was clearly taking the reins and i was in for the ride of my life!

...Even before the beginning

i thought it would be helpful for you to know a little about us.  First about S.  She is my wife, Mistress, best friend, lover, and someone who knows all there is to know about me.  She is intuitive to the extreme.  i would describe Her to some prospective bull as in Her early 40's, tall, blonde, blue eyes, very good looking, very nice body, loves sex, is very vocal, passionate, and loves to explore.  She shines as a parent and mother.  Including my own, i can imagine no better mother for our children, they are truly blessed to have Her for a mom - and they know it.  Unconditional love oozes from Her and i credit S's love and acceptance as one of the reasons we have such well adjusted loving mature children.  They are our teachers.  Any parenting skills i have that are worth anything either came from S or Mister Rogers.

(As an aside, If you don't know about Mister Rogers and you are a parent, run don't walk to the nearest site and purchase his videos for your young children - if not for them, then for you.  You will love his aura and abilities.  And, you will save money on your children's therapy bills later!)

Before 4 weeks ago, i would describe S as fairly submissive in our sexual interplay but there was a dominant streak that i could sense always wanted to be released.  Maybe sensed is too strong, perhaps suspected.  And, of course, i hoped!!  Now, She is the ideal lover - one who cares about your feelings yet assertive and makes sure Her needs are being met.  You will learn much more about the dominant S that has emerged in the last month.

There were times during our marriage i would bring toys to the bedroom, i would tie Her up.  About a year ago, i bought Her a dildo and we always called it Her lover or Her boyfriend.  We even gave Her dildo a name, Andre.

That part of our love making ebbed and flowed but never really took root.  i am sure i was hoping in some way Her dominance would erupt by the use of the dildo, but it never did.

Our sex life during the last 10 years i would say was fairly normal from what i hear, which is to say not enough for me and not enough for Her; not enough sex for me, and not enough orgasms for Her.

Along with all this you must understand, we have 4 kids.  We were very busy being parents and doing all the things parents do.  This was our excuse for not having sex - not enough time.  You know, if only we had more time...if only i didn't have to work so much...if only, if only.  Truth is, i had grown to feel inadequate and S had grown to believe this was just the way it was. 

In every other aspect of our married life, we were humming like a sewing machine.  We communicated at a level few couples dare tread.  We recognized our spiritual union with the infinite and with one another and searched for new ways to solidify that existential bond into our human reality.  We were very good about expressing our feelings, begging for forgiveness, and also being very forgiving.  We held hands whenever we went on walks or in the grocery store, we loved spending time with one another, and were pretty intimate with one another.  In short, we were best friends and intimates - but both knew if only subconsciously we were not best lovers. 

To our friends, we had the best of marriages.  i knew it could be better.  Because, i knew i could be better.  i knew what was missing was the sexual element.  i knew while S may have seem satisfied with our sex life, She should be experiencing so much more than i could give Her at that time.  i knew She deserved more.  And, i knew i didn't have the tools with which to fulfill Her sexually.  Sadly, i probably always felt this way during our marriage.  It was only recently, that i gained the courage to bring this to S and really hope She responded in a positive way.  i will get into this most recent episode in later posts, but for now would like to continue laying the foundation from where we were coming.

About me?  i am in my late 40's, dark blonde hair, blue eyes, good looking, fun, funny, caring, high sexual energy, very open to exploring as well, loves vanilla sex and is thrilled by kinky dirty sex.  i am an ex-collegiate athlete who tries to stay active and is generally in a struggle with my body, until lately.  i feel kind of strange describing myself to you so perhaps S can be a guest writer here in the future and She could describe me.

i am very glad this post is over.  Hopefully, you have some sense of us as people, as normal people, as people just like you perhaps in some ways.  One month ago, our marriage took a huge turn on the road less traveled.  It was a road that scared the shit out me because i knew once on it, i would have to and want to share all the remaining secrets in my life with S.  while i say it scared the shit out of me, and it did, i also knew we had 20 years of history together and that She was the most accepting person i have ever known.  i have shared so much with Her in the past over tears and laughter and i risked exposing my raw flesh to Her hoping She wouldn't drive a stake through my heart and figurative kill me.  In the early years of our courtship and marriage, we had risked and we spent may painful and joyous moments that put us on the track to this moment.  i suspected, i prayed, i hoped She would respond favorably.

In the Beginning...

This is my first post.  It is both exciting and scary to begin chronicling the life and times of S and me in our
female led or better named female-centric marriage (FCM).  Exciting because i have never loved or felt so loved and lovable in my entire life and we are more in love today than we were when we first began dating.  And, i just want to share this unbelievable gift with others in the hopes they may find some piece of heaven for themselves in this writing.  Scary because it will no doubt make public a lot of our private lives and i know i will feel pressure to adequately describe this journey as well as keep this blog updated regularly.

This blog's intent is to say to you the reader, whether you are male or female, husband or wife, that if S and i can happily enter this lifestyle, so can you.  If you met us, you would see a very happily married couple who communicates on a very high level and are willing to share their deepest most personal secrets with one another.  You would also see a family with children living in suburbia who could easily be your next door neighbor and you would NEVER guess we would contemplate, much less embrace this lifestyle.  We are exceedingly normal.

Why i am writing this blog is important to know.  When i began fantasizing about this lifestyle many years ago, i wish i could have had some resource to guide me in a wholesome and integrated approach.  That what i sought was good.  Instead, what was on the net was a barrage of the porn-laden sites dedicated to the male fetish-ization of some unrealistic pseudo-ideal meant more to make money than to promote a worthy lifestyle (for some).

This all certainly helped me get off.  And, it also made me feel the whole exploration was at least a little "dirty" if not outright injurious to our marriage.  i didn't like that feeling at all and i wanted it to change.  Herein you will learn about the resources we used to get where we are today.  So, here is our story, from my viewpoint, from the beginning...

We embarked on our roller coaster ride into FCM on August 23, 2013.  It was then that i proposed to S (again!).  In the prelude of my proposal, i expressed how thankful i was that She continually recognized all my efforts in being a good husband and father.  And, that while our first 20 years of marriage (more on this in later posts!) were absolutely incredible, and i am exceedingly blessed having S for my Wife, i told Her that i knew i could be better.  And, that i need her help to assist me in getting there and that i couldn't do it without her. 

It was then that i presented Her a gift box and inside the box was a beautifully crafted necklace that was intended for a very valuable stone pendent.  In place of the pendent i had placed a key.  the key was to a chastity device i had purchased and unbeknownst to Her was wearing to dinner.  i told Her the key was central to my proposal for the next 20 years. 

For the first 20 years, i told Her, She gave so selflessly for everyone in our family.  And, in all of those years, i knew She did things for me without caring about her own needs.  i told her the next 20 years would be different.  i proposed that the next 20 years belonged to Her.  i begged Her to help me become the best husband, father, friend, and lover over the next 20 years.  And, that i wanted Her to be central in all my thoughts.

my gift to S on our 20th Anniv.

i know S did not fully understand the significance of the key yet.  i trudged forward and showed Her the diamond pendent behind the necklace and key.  She knew what that was!  She began to cry happy tears.  i then moved beside her and told her the key was to be used with this and placed her hand on my crotch so that She could feel the chastity device that was guarding my penis.  Still not knowing exactly what it was (you have to understand S is probably the most innocent wife of 20 years that you have ever come across, and i mean that in the most loving and laudable way), She knew it was something sexual and that definitely peeked Her interest.

i asked Her if She accepted my proposal and She did (although the full implications and details were later to be explored).  She accepted!!

From that night forward, She began Her inquiry into the whole life of a female centric marriage and her role in it.  From knowing nothing about chastity, chastity devices, and all that comes with it, She has accepted this role with the utmost enthusiasm and curious zeal.  The coming weeks would take us from chastity to a female led or female-centric marriage which would include a cuckold lifestyle.

There is so much write to about and so much to catch you the reader up on what has happened in the last 4 weeks.  Stay tuned...i can't wait to share with you how we got from there on August 23^rd to last night where She would not allow me to orgasm but had multiple orgasms Herself.  S is keen on making up for the imbalance in orgasms from the last 20 years! 

By the way, i have not been allowed to orgasm for the last 15 days!  See, i told you She was enthusiastic.